every beat of my heart

arugh.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

with ♥ 3:00 PM

why is it raining?!??! D: i need to go tuition. sighs. always like that one leh. >:\ sigh.

nowadays quite boring. bmt is like so annoying. really hate it i cant wait t step down i need a proper break. always do hw then no strength to study etc le. grrr. sigh. at least me and buddies in bmt gg for good jap food in restaurant on tue after watching guys play. okay i think rainy days make me very sian. nowadays i think j2 alrdy taking a toll on everyone. everyone also :( or moody. smtimes i really dunno if i should have children next time. i really love children, i'd love to have my own, but to put them through all the shit i went through? :\ idk. next time wil be even more competitive. look at the society now its alrdy so grade-based. i just heard alot stuff nowadays and im very disheartened. we're just getting further and further from achieving an utopian society.

as i grow up i realise alot of things have changed. its quite scary t grow up when i think of it; the perception of the world changes, and relationships with people are kinda altered as well. selfish? greed? oblivious? ignorance? maybe. idk. its not a matter of whether i want to grow up or not, whether i can go back to who i used to be; im forced to in this society. everyone tend to only think for themselves. sometimes i feel tired, drained, from all the giving and not taking. yeah lecture me about how giving is the gift of joy crap. wake up to reality cos it doesnt really work that way anymore. those are just gullible ppl getting taken advantage of. or lets just say in the past, people were very different to this material world of ours. :( sigh ok i guess ive just learnt my lessons and learnt to guard myself. im tired of giving unconditionally to people who dont deserve it.

ok i sound really emo. on a lighter note, im very :) cos alrdy quite a few ppl to date said im v good at sales and stuff. :) probably one of the only skills im v good at. but it kinda hurt a little too cos my arty-farty brain cells refuse to be good at math and econ, and i cant go business in uni. which kinda suck; my 17 year dream of following my daddy's footsteps and be a RM in a bank kinda went down the drain. sigh. okay well ive learnt to accept it. dont get me wrong; i love teaching too and im nt regretting my decision to work toward NIE. but it just kinda hard t accept the fact that i know i'll be good at a job but cant do it cos of education system. here we go again.

okay anyway. i felt damn fulfilled and happy by yst volunteer work at SBF [Singapore Buddhist Federation] fair in celebrating vesak. got to interact with alot of people, and children. same thing all over again i guess; some ppl are just damn hostile: and why am i not surprised these bunch are mostly Singaporeans. :\ yeah but im damn tired, dont have enough sleep, but its all worth it. :) cant wait for the volunteer work on vesak at KMS. :) should be fun and have that sense of accomplishment agn!

and baby's last paper tmr. :D must jiayou okay baby? im sure you can do it. :) i love you. :)

-jinghui-

Labels: 我愛的人, 是爱我的人。是世界上最简单的幸福。

you bitch.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

with ♥ 11:12 PM

can you stop being such a bitch, bitch? >:(

-jinghui-

a few more trainings to go!!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

with ♥ 11:06 PM

that's like, what i tell myself everytime i just want to scream and yell at sm1. grrr. my legs still hurt. forget it. im probably gonna slack agn than put myself through this agony AND get big thighs. what a job. and the worse thing is friendly match cancelled. :( wth. sighs. tournament is next week; yay yay yay.

many things been happening and im too tired to blog. so here's a summary.

1. i got stitch earrings. i LOVE THEM to bits, i swear. :)
2. i think i have too many hours of CIP.
3. i need my inspiration for lit.
4. i like to see my love laugh. :) it makes me happy when i make him laugh. <3 :)
5. i really really REALLY want the brown charles and keith bag. :( really.
6. been hit by ribena craze nowadays.
7. i cant wait for my bdae!
8. i hope ppl around me would cheer up. :)
9. I HATE AJ PE.
10. i decided to buy the AJC bear. it's really too darn cute. plus, i love AJC. :) [yes i do ling. dont even start on the grimace. hahaha. :)]
11. im addicted to restaurant city :D
12. frankly speaking as much as i hate it, i think pufferfish is a nice nickname. :)
13. drawing random stuff using GC is a great way to pass time in math.
14. i need t study harder. it just isnt enough. damn it. :( i really want to do well for my A's. can sm1 tell me how to memorize things!!

okay thats all. bye bye! :)

我今天尝到很甜的蜜糖。比蜜糖还要甜。:) <3>

-jinghui-

Labels: stich loves me as much as i love him hahahaha.

stupid 300+ squats.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

with ♥ 4:48 PM

stupid bmt. my legs hurt like crazy now ok!! :( crazy. hmph. and apparently the whole of nxt week all physical trainin :( this is insanity i swear. but baby was really sweet and surprised me yst by fetching me from school after training :D silly boy. <3 hehehhe.

ok anyway im v whiny now. must be the humid weather. anyway i think im gonna grow like really FAT. *eyes the amt of food baby bought for me* ok. make that super fat. hhahahaha. but im like, i dunno. i dont feel hungry nowadays. :\ just dont feel the urge t eat. except m and m's and sweets and probably one or two jellybeans when i study. :) and NO, im not aneroxic or whatever. i practically live to eat. :) heh. ok maybe it's the stress. but then again. ok i dont know. :) maybe i need to start my BUFFET REGIME again. :) you do know that that's a irony right? hahahaha.

ok im trying to be v :) nowadays cos ppl around me like all quite depressed esp choir ppl. cheer up ok!!! look on the bright side: you guys get 2 weeks of free attendance and I DONT. there you go. does tt make you feel happier now? :) hahaha. cheer up ok dale, you stil have 25th anniversary performance! :) and you hv me! :) and oh btw, i found the choco pie and i bought a box. :D yummy!

there's so many movies i wanna watch now ok!!! :\ i cant even list them cos too many. grr. and idk if i have the time t watch also not! :( haiyo. :( as much as i finish all my hw on time i dont have the time t sit and study. :( I WANNA END BMT SOON :( but then, i'll miss my team mates i.e. tingyin and gang. :) cos im sure once training ends we'll meet up lesser. :( just like how our team outing ALWAYS fails. :( gosh. but i guess w/o them training would be such a dread. esp ting my slacking partner. hahahha we have a common fav pasttime!!!! :) : sitting down and gossiping and slacking. :) to be specific- at training. :D

ok im gg t study again now. :) my math. i swear, i HATE math.

-jinghui-

Labels: my legs says ouch.

bleah.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

with ♥ 11:58 PM

one week's passed so fast! :) had a few fun events in the past week; cooking and making ngoh hiam with baby was so fun. ahhahha. :) and it was nice to like eat breakfast with his family. :) though i was kinda craving for soyabean and youtiao instead of kuay chap for breakfast :X hahaha.

hello campaign was really fun too! hahaha. HELLO! im like quite happy when i say hello now. like saying hello is so natural now. no wonder they say practice makes perfect. :) plus, i had so many goodies from the event. love the shirt cos its comfy enough for me to wear at home, yay :D

hmmm. had friendly match with SAS yst. usually i dont blog abt bmt but the place was so pretty ok. and the people there make me feel inferior cos my nose is fat and buttony, not nice! everyone there so pretty and handsome ok. and ok anyway i cant wait to step down either way. :D 3 more weeks!!!!!!!! so damn irritated when i see ppl dont have t go for CCA anymore. idiot, and they stil said tournament pushed forward. my foot.

ok its late now so im gg to sleep. lest i cant wake up again. :\ and oh. im so pissed with ____. ZERO EQ, not even low. did so many things that leave me exasperated and pissed off. frigging selfish idiot who always think he's right, and only take and dont give, unless he can reap benefits out of it. my god, how can anyone like that exist? whether he is ignorant or not, he just blew it. it was the last straw this week. idiot, bloody b******. grrrrrr.

oh crap. i suddenly rmb there's training tmr. :( :( :(

baby good luck for your exams okay! :D you can do it im sure. :) im here t support you all the way! <3 love you lots. :)

-jinghui-

regret.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

with ♥ 2:36 PM

i wish i knew what t do to make it all better. i wish i knew what actually happened.

perhaps, this regret will always, always stay.

-jinghui-

pw results.

with ♥ 2:04 PM

okay i expected a B or A. and i got a B. kinda what i expected but everyone, including me, wants an A duh. it sucks to have A for chinese and feeling so happy before getting a bloody B for PW and getting demoralised. so im feeling really crappy now.

i really thought my grp OP was great; okay maybe because we started off like total shit. anyway. my best bet is we din do well for our WR [we took so friggin long to even get it approved, let alone getting an EE which we never did.] and maybe my I&R. sigh. okay maybe, we really didnt put in enough effort or sth, idk. did a little reflection during GP lecture and i guess maybe we just weren't even together as one.

either way, im feeling really weird now so im gg to rest. lady luck is definitely not on my side this year.

on a bright side, im gg market with baby and his parents tmr morning t buy ingredients, then we making ngoh hiam for the whole of tmr, yay :) and sat im gg hello campaign with ling and there's free tshirt yay! another shirt for me to wear at home. :)

and i read meanie's blog. i swear, im like breaking almost every single one of the 7 deadly sins. oh dear!

7 DEADLY SINS OF THE WORLD:
- Pride
- Envy
- Gluttony
- Greed
- Wrath
- Lust
- Sloth

and as much as i dont have luck this year, ironically, im gonna wish all my dearies good luck: jenna, please get into SYF! cinch , i dont have t worry about you. haha.

and dale; you'll get through auditions i know you will. :) make chip proud!

-jinghui-

Labels: mundane. upset. numb.

couple or trouble :)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

with ♥ 11:31 PM

im addicted to this korean drama okay :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couple_or_Trouble

yay :) watch finish alrdy so happy :) im having this fuzzy warm feeling now. :) gosh. hehehhe i just LOVE happy endings.

-jinghui-

love.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

with ♥ 9:14 PM

for lit hw im supposed to find 2 songs/poems on any theme and compare and contrast them. i think analysing songs are weird. : hahaha. but anyway. i chose the theme of love, as usual. haha.

but i picked my favourite poem, and now i cant find any song to compare it with. grrr. i blogged abt my fav poem before but i dont even rmb when. probably ages ago. so here it is again. :)

"i carry your heart with me" by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)i am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear; and whatever is doneby only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i wantno world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meantand whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the budand the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which growshigher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

isnt it just amazing? cos i think it's brillant. :) e e cummings has many pretty poems. :)

and w/o a doubt, my 2nd favourite poet. :)

my first? hahaha. my baby. ;)

-jinghui-

Labels: i hate ulcers.

ironic.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

with ♥ 10:05 PM

how ironic for me to be typing this a little after my post just now.

but im just really really sick and tired. and annoyed and irritated and pissed.

really.

i wish you'd go away. i really tried ok stop demanding so much of me im really shagged alrdy why cant u understand me like everyone else. you dont have the rights to say ath because you dont do ath. i wish you'd see yourself in the light everyone sees you in; then, maybe, you'll realise. i wish you realise you're driving me nuts to the point where i just wan t jump off the cliff and die. [ok its just figurative, just trying to prove my point of how exasperated and upset i am. i still want to get married have children and live happily ever after and have grandchildren] i wish next year comes faster and i WANT to get into NIE so i can support myself. i wish i can stay in hostel; but then again smtimes i think staying with baby wont be too bad an idea. im 18 i can choose what i want to do. i wish im 21 now so i am officially an adult and nobody can give me all the crap abt how im stil a kid im nt mature enough. shut that shit up cos im sure ive been thru much more than some adults have in terms of relationships. hate it when adults give me the know damnit all. i wish im 24 soon so i can get married and be free from all these shit. :(

-jinghui-

Labels: i love my daddy :)

things will be ok!

with ♥ 8:47 PM

i hope. :) im feeling chirpy cos i met baby for 3 days in a row! :D friday i was feeling really irritated and annoyed but baby last min met me. :) felt so nice to just finally let go of all my emotions without needing to act. and then i met baby on sat too :) so happy happy. i think when i think back i guess i learn alot from my past relationships. and i realised that although we seldom go out, im happily contented. like me and baby dont watch movies, dont go shopping etc. but im happy. :) anyway today baby came to my school's funfair! for a little while. hehehe. im happy. :) hmmm today frankly speaking i had fun. :) although v tired cos i barely left the stall. nevertheless i had fun. :)

i'll pick myself up soon. and thanks chip, for understanding me. really. :)

-jinghui-

drained.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

with ♥ 10:19 PM

im so tired now. nowadays. everyday. so many things t do and i cant catch up. and i cant be myself. i have to put a stupid smile on my face and act like everything's all right. i hate it. i wish there'd be a day, just a day, where i dont need to care abt ppl's feelings but just my own. im sick and tired of putting others before myself, sick and tired of needing to act like everything is all right when everything is NOT. i know im supposed to cherish and be thankful but im really tired. and its plain unfair this is such a bad year im alrdy god damn stressed enough life should just stop throwing all the shit at me. >:(

i hate jc. it shapes me into sm1 i dont even know.

i fcuking hate my damn hp now cos the buttons are getting spoiled. damn it.

i wish trainings would just go away.

and you, too. just shoo. i wish i can grow up soon.

-jinghui-